First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
