wanna go halves on a baby?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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