please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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