its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
