I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
