I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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