as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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