Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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