i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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