when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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