Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
