No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
