I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I currently don't understand fingers.
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