I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
