i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
