Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
