i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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