i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I fill condoms, not promises.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
