I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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