Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
