No stitches, just platelets and will power
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
