New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize