And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
