I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
