I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize