24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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