whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
