Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
