Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dignity is for republicans.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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