Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Less talking, more tequila
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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