At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
