he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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