I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
