My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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