I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize