this just has baby written all over it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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