I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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