I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
