Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
