Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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