She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
