there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Apparently you make a good broom.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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