Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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