bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
