i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this just has baby written all over it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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