My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
