I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
