STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
