I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
