it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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