I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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