if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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