i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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