I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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