I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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