my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
