i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
