I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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