Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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