so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
