The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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