oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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