Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
