I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
