hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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