Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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