i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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