Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
