We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
