I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
