I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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