Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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