youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
