Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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