meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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