She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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