There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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