I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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